Hash Hints

Here are a few suggestions and explanations which may help a newcomer to enjoy the Hash but first and foremost please bear in mind that hashing is supposed to be fun and don't ever take it seriously:

  1. Hashing is totally non-competitive although someone has to be first. If by some fluke you manage to find yourself in this unfortunate position (or anywhere near it ), yell "ON, ON" until you are exhausted enough to fall back to your rightful place in the pack. These calls are not designed to help you but the poor unfortunate at the rear who can then shortcut (HASH TACTICAL) back to the pack. The sounding of the HASH HORN achieves the same aim for all but the stone deaf.
  2. If it is your misfortune to arrive first at a check, don't sit down and rest, or stand about like a wet weed, but look for the new trail and shout "CHECKING" loud and often. If you find an X or a T, announce "FALSE TRAIL" equally loudly.
  3. The "social pack" retains its superiority by the deployment of its greater intelligence. Short cutting from the rear (HASH TACTICALS) is to be positively encouraged and a united pack is far better for warding off homicidal landowners and rabid Rottweilers as well as forcing the publican's arm if you arrive back at the pub early.
  4. 4 Short cutting from the front is NOT ALLOWED (one of the very few firm rules of hashing - actually there are no rules!). Anyway this practice could result in the whole Hash straying on to uncleared land.

    5 Move at your own pace. Ignore the FRBs and Jockstraps who urge you to go faster. If you should fall behind, try a HASH TACTICAL. If your tactic is successful you may be accused by a jealous FRB of being an SCB - a SHORT CUTTING BASTARD. If so, just ignore it; such accusations merely confirm your superior abilities.

    6 Always try to keep at least one hasher between you and anything which looks at all fierce such as bulls, pitbull terriers, landed gentry, geese and pigs.

    7 If you hear the cry "LOOKING" it means that the trail has disappeared into thin air. This could be due to several reasons: the Hares playing silly Bs or simply running out of chalk, the trail being washed out by rain or an attack of chalk blindness by the front runners. Usually in this event the pack will spread out and the trail is soon located.

    8 If you wish to know what the hell is going on up front, call "HOW ARE YOU?" which should evoke the response "CHECKING", "FALSE TRAIL", "OFF CHALK" or even "LOST".

    9 Please don't shout too loud near animals. They don't like it. If cows, horses or sheep appear to about to stampede, WALK, don't run. An insurance claim for an animal like Desert Orchid could bankrupt the Hash insurance company let alone the Hash. Yes, your Hash may carry insurance but remember it's for third party damages, not a personal accident policy for you.

    10 If you damage fences or gates, try to effect some sort of repair before running on and, most important of all, NEVER LEAVE GATES OPEN.

    Transgressions of this and any other "crime" committed during the hash will be drawn to the attention of the Hash RELIGIOUS ADVISOR who will mete out some dire punishment at the Aprés-Hash. You may also be asked to do a WRITE UP of the run (for publication in the Hash Trash). If so, please oblige - it helps everyone to remember where they've been and what they did but it doesn't have to be accurate - let your creative imagination roam free!

    Now all you need is to know where your nearest hash is located - this website will help you find one.